The Mental Habit that Got Me into the Best Shape of My Life
I wrote this at the end of 2018 reflecting on the year’s prior health journey and have been waiting for the right time to share. Form-Nation, I hope it can offer something of value to you, even if it’s as simple as the reminder of appreciating your body and what it accomplishes for you each day.
This isn’t a diet or fitness plan post. But there is something I did that I think was hugely influential in me getting into what I feel was the best shape I’ve ever been in.
I’ll start by saying I have always thought of myself as chubby. I have memories of walking into kindergarten and looking at my belly thinking it was too big, which obviously as a 5 year-old is not an issue, but even at that age I had a perception of myself as being fat. If I’m at the beach my eyes b-line with envy to every girl with a flat tummy. In high school and through university when I did competitive cheerleading, I hated sitting in our crop top uniforms when I could feel the rolls of my stomach fold. I know I’m not alone in this. Many of us have an area we criticize about ourselves whether it be our skin, our thighs, or maybe for you it’s your stomach too.
I would so commonly and so casually, hate this part of my body. I’d hide it in shame under loose tops or cross my arms when I sat vulnerably. I’d squeeze bits of myself around before I hopped in the shower imagining how much better I’d look if I this could be here instead of there. It never even occurred to me I had so many negative thoughts about myself because I was so used to it.
I had put myself on workout plans and diets. I had no issue working hard. I identified as an athlete which deepened the disgust I had for myself because I thought athletes shouldn’t have fat like this. I loved breaking a sweat and for most of my life always had activity as a part of my routine. But it was always one step forward and what felt like two steps back when it came to how I perceived my fitness. After a couple of months or one dress size down, I’d eventually feel the waistband of my jeans get a little tighter. And I’d be back to feeling hopeless about my progress.
So, this time around when I was inspired to make a push to really “get in shape” like always, I started making sure I was hitting my workouts. Doing more weight training and HIIT. But I didn’t feel like I was making progress. I felt the same. It felt like a chore and I wasn’t having any fun or enjoying the process. I felt like I was doing what I was supposed to. I questioned if I couldn’t get the results I wanted because I was stuck mentally or if it was because I was stuck mentally that I couldn’t get the results I wanted.
Now here was the game changer for me. I had been reading and researching health and wellness and one thing I had never done before but was willing to try this time around was changing my inner dialogue towards my body. It sounded a bit woo-woo and awkward. But I tried it.
My ritual became this, as I soaped my body in the shower, out loud I would say to myself “I appreciate my body and all it does for me. I am grateful for my physical capability and how I’m able to move. I am strong. I am beautiful.” Some days I wouldn’t say the same thing, but the spirit of it was the same — gratitude for my body and all it does for me. If I was a little sore from squats I’d call out my thighs and glutes for being tough in yesterday’s workout or if I had a long day on my feet, I'd highlight them for enduring all that running around.
No joke. Out loud I would do that every day. At first I felt like I was lying. It felt unnatural and awkward. Even though it was just to myself. But I kept with it. I got used to it. And eventually, after days and days of repetition, it felt like less of a lie.
I slowly developed a sense of true balance. It was like before I was on a see-saw and would hop from one end of feeling on my game and then suddenly be on the other end feeling like a mess. Now though, after a few nights out for dinner I could start to feel when the momentum was going a bit too far to one side and rebalance. It was like I was now able to hear my body when it told me “Saschie, you’d had a donut today, and you had ice cream last night, maybe skip the next dessert and have more veggies?” I honestly was never able to notice those messages before. I’d just keep going. I had more of a it’s too far gone now attitude with my diet. Appreciating my body allowed me this awareness.
It was easy to be diligent with my diet. I didn’t want to eat badly, rather I’d want to choose the more nourishing options. I never felt deprived as I mentally never felt like I was restricting. I can’t even recall a moment where I told myself “no.” With this change I was also able to shift my mentality with my workouts and I started to only do what I genuinely enjoyed instead of treating exercise like a punishment. For me that meant more dance rather than gym sessions.
It’s been over a year since I went through this and I feel like it’s changed so much of my mental process. I think back to when I felt like so much of my day’s mental energy went to criticizing myself, planning what to eat, planning what I should do to work out, not working out and then feeling bad for not going, and then go back to criticizing myself. It was a loop and so much of my mental energy was devoted to this cycle. I was liberated from this and feel so much mentally lighter.
With health and fitness, people often talk about the process and recipe and maybe even the mental toughness required, but I think this soulful piece was just as important to my success as the actual routine I implemented. If not, critical. This was an element of my own wellness journey and I hope if you connected with some of what I shared, you’ll find your balance too.