Five Years of Gratitude

Dear Formation Fam,

There are a few of you who know parts of this story and others who are new to the community and maybe don’t even know me. For those of you who don’t, that’ll change quickly because I’m diving right in. This Thanksgiving marks five years. A whole handful of years since my little sister, Chantal, passed away as a seventeen year-old in a car accident while being driven to her boyfriend’s family dinner. Naturally, this holiday sparks a lot of emotion and reflection for me.

Last year, Roman and I took an extra long holiday weekend and on the Tuesday after Thanksgiving, I stood outside with my face in the sun while the dog sniffed the black gate by our apartment door and I thought about opening a studio. I went upstairs and told Roman we should look into it. That was the first thought of what is now Formation Studio. We’ll celebrate our Grand Opening one year exactly to that sunny Tuesday.

It is almost unrecognizable to me when I think back to who I was and how I felt five years ago. I don’t do it often because I fear those dark moments still have a pull on me. It’s like the temptation of picking a scab — curious, but you don’t actually want it to open up and bleed again. But as we approach Thanksgiving this year, I look back on these days more closely with my senses of mashed sweet potatoes and pumpkin pie tied to much more than the simple feast it used to be.

What stands out to me is how time changes so much. I remember on one of my first days back to work after Chantal passed away I was walking through Gastown to my office and was so perplexed with how everything around me moved just as it was, pedestrians with umbrellas and cars driving through puddles. My world had changed in the most significant way I’d ever experienced but everything else kept going. And now that I’m five years from this loss, I look back with a pain different from that harsh cut. It’s there, but more like a bruise, only sore when I press. I am also amazed with how by putting one foot in front of the other, things change. Everything kept moving around me and eventually I moved too.

I am thankful for the light Chantal shined so bright that I still feel its guidance. I know those who love and know her feel it sparkle too. I am thankful for my husband and family for their faith in me, not what or how I do things, but simply me. For my friends who keep me sane and grounded and cheer on every one of my moves. And to you. I am so deeply thankful for this community — it’s almost inexplicable how privileged I feel to be able to honour my sister in my way. You may come for a sweaty class and a fun dance party but that high you feel, that smile, and those high fives are my way of interjecting her spirit. She didn’t get to shine her own light for as long as we would have liked, but we carry it for her.

If there is one thing I ask of you this holiday it is to trust me when I say things can change in an instant. So tell the people you care about how you feel. Squeeze them extra tight and remember those people are truly all that is important.

Happy Thanksgiving.

With love and gratitude,

Saschie